Divorce can be an extremely difficult process for both parties, and when children are involved, the situation gets even more precarious. Depending on your relationship with your soon-to-be ex and the assets you share, you may be overwhelmed by the prospect of dividing all your property, and in some cases, spouses see their children as yet another piece of property to be divided.
In marriages with multiple children, couples will sometimes entertain the idea of one parent taking one child and the other parent taking the other. Though this might seem like the fairest choice at the time, it can often create extremely negative consequences for your children’s wellbeing, their relationship with you, and their relationship with their siblings. Here are a few of the primary issues with splitting up siblings during custody agreements:
Loneliness exacerbates the pain of divorce
Watching parents get divorced is difficult for any child regardless of age, and the experience can cause children to feel separated from their friends and peers. However, siblings facing the same struggle will often turn to each other for comfort, which is why separating siblings through custody will only make the process more difficult for your children.
They are left alone with their worries
For children of divorce of any age, there is likely a host of worries running through their mind. Will my parents get back together? Will I have to welcome a new stepparent into my life? Is everything going to change? As you’re focusing on getting through your divorce, you may not notice the amount of worry and uncertainty your children are facing. This is why allowing your children to stay together in a singular living situation can be so beneficial. Your children will have many of the same worries and will be able to give each other hope and encouragement to get through the divorce process as well as the months and years following.
Loyalties become unclear
When parents are married, evenly splitting loyalty between mother and father is relatively easy for most children, taking into consideration how healthy their home life is and how much time they spend with each parent individually. However, during a divorce, children can start to feel their parental loyalty splitting depending on which parent they live with, which can be emotionally distressing. Additionally, children sometimes carry the burden of keeping secrets for the parent they live with, which only serves to widen the gap between the child and their non-custodial parent. In times like these, it can be extremely beneficial for children to have their siblings around to share the burdens of their difficult feelings.
Adjusting to stepfamilies becomes more complicated
If you or your ex remarry and your children are living apart due to split custody, integrating a stepparent into your children’s lives will be extremely complex and more awkward than it needs to be. Especially if stepchildren come into the picture, your children will need each other to handle the stress of a blended family and feel more grounded in who they are.
Too much information?
We focus exclusively on family law matters so we are always available to answer your questions and help.
Renee and her team have represented me in family law at the highest level since 2015. I have had the opportunity to observe her and her entire team in action for many years. The Gucciardo law firm have performed a variety of legal tasks for me including evidentiary hearings, motion paperwork and general administrative support. I can assert without reservation that she is the best attorney I have employed or observed. This is a significant statement because I have had the unfortunate experience to employ 5 other attorneys in the same time period for different family law applications/issues. I have employed attorneys that were hip, fast talkers but unorganized and unproductive. I have employed expensive attorneys that have gouged me and not performed. I have employed attorneys that are organized and honest but not aggressive. I have employed cheap attorneys that were lazy. I know bad, decent and awesome. Renee is awesome. She and her team are responsive, experienced, organized, creative, conscientious, productive and honest. Renee's support staff of experts are just that and are profoundly capable. Sick of your legal team not calling you back? That won't happen with Gucciardo. Concerned you won't get value for your money? That won't happen with Gucciardo. Frustrated with paying and not seeing results? Not a chance with Renee. Don't what to have the feeling that your legal team does not have your back? Won't happen with Renee. Attorneys are expensive but if you get the value, you won't resent them. I resent all my other attorneys except Renee and her team. She won big for me and almost killed herself in the process. She was not afraid to bring up risky issues and call out other professionals for improper behavior. Renee did this because it was the correct thing to do and because she worked for ME! Renee is a sweetheart until it is time to be aggressive. Renee and her team are always prepared and I enjoy a teamwork feeling with her team that most lawyers won't offer because most lawyers are narcissists. Renee is confident and accomplished but not a narcissist. Renee is not afraid to perform menial legal tasks that other attorneys dish off to their subordinates. Renee often performs these "menial tasks" because she is goal oriented and not afraid of hard work. The next day Renee is in front of the courtroom arguing for you in a fashion that is similar to some Hollywood movie- except this is real! We can influence our luck in life by surrounding ourselves with good people. The Gucciardo law firm ARE good people. This review too good to be true? Call the Gucciardo Law firm, ask them to get us in touch with each other and hear it from my lips. Best regards, John
I am forever thankful to you! The court has definitely taught me to be stronger. I remember you as a strong attorney who faced the judge who almost took the kids away. I can't imagine if that happened in that courtroom. You are my heroine!
Hey Renee Just wanted to say Happy Birthday. But also -- as my daughter Liz turns 18 tomorrow -- I wanted to say thank you for all of your hard work on the case involving Liz. You fought for Sue and I every step of the way and we never, ever lost a battle with you at our side. While going through essentially two custody battles to get Liz living with us, you made it look easy and you won every round for us with ease. Sue and I have recommended you to so many people that we've lost count. I think Sue will agree with me that you are honestly the best family attorney that anyone could ever hire. We'll both continue recommending you to anyone in need if an all-star. You've been there to read my 5,000-word, long-winded emails, you've been there at every court date, you always were quick to answer every call and showed compassion to Sue and I all the time. Thank you for believing in us and giving us the confidence over the years in my daughter's case, especially when Liz's mother was making life very difficult for us. Liz started at Macomb Community College today and she's doing well. She's working and growing up into a beautiful, mature young lady. I can't thank you enough for being responsible for getting Liz to live with us full time. Sue and I truly believe that Liz living with us saved her from living an enormously difficult life with her mother (Liz now has not seen her mom in over 3 years). We've had a long relationship for 10 years as our friend! Stay in touch on Facebook and I wish you the greatest success in your practice and with your family. Take care and all the best to you!
Tom and Sue Varcie